From our personal lives to our careers, confidence is one of the most powerful tools available to us. Of course, confidence is not constant, and everyone experiences moments of self-doubt now and again.

However, some individuals find themselves grappling with low self-esteem and confidence more often than others, which is now unfortunately common in today’s world. You’ll hear people online making jokes about how they have difficulty making phone calls or making light conversation. This persistent lack of confidence can hinder their social lives, their personal hobbies, and their career success.

Understanding why so many people struggle with confidence is crucial to addressing and overcoming these challenges. By overcoming these challenges, someone with these issues will be able to develop the confidence they need to talk to others, follow their passions, and take chances they otherwise wouldn’t. Here are the common causes of low confidence and insights into how to build a stronger sense of self-worth:

Societal pressures and expectations

The problem was society all along. In all seriousness, the society someone lives in can have a strong effect on the way people view the world and their mentality, including the worth in said society. Society often enforces unrealistic standards and expectations on individuals, causing feelings of inadequacy. This can manifest in people thinking they don’t look attractive enough, that their ideas aren’t intelligent or creative enough, or they aren’t as capable as their society expects them to be.

This is usually because of certain capabilities being valued more than others in a society or certain social stigmas that devalue others. What’s worse is also being compared to others, whether it’s because they can do things you can’t or are something you don’t want to be.

What leads to further comparison is our media, as the constant exposure to idealized images and success stories in media can make people feel they do not measure up. Social media exacerbates this issue by presenting exaggerated versions of people’s lives, creating a false perfection that is impossible to achieve.

This comparison can significantly erode self-confidence, making individuals doubt their worth and abilities. Moreover, social media can make it easier for others to be anonymously critical, which can make all the work you put in feel wasted.

So what can you do to fix this: Be around the right people and find a proper support system. Be around those who understand who you are and what you want to be, the ones who see the inherent value that you hold. This can be in the form of friends and family or in the form of mentors. These are relationships that can help you through difficult times, providing you with positive reinforcement, encouragement, and constructive feedback. Having people rooting for you, who see you for who you are, can give you a significant boost to your confidence.

Negative self-talk

How we view and talk to ourselves is crucial when it comes to our feelings of confidence. Often what some people will do is that they talk negatively about themselves and only think about their negative qualities. This includes exaggerating a character flaw, devaluing a virtue or skill, and not recognizing the value of your abilities. Negative self-talk, characterized by critical and self-deprecating thoughts, can be incredibly damaging. Phrases like “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t do this” become self-fulfilling prophecies, reinforcing feelings of incompetence.

Most people doing this think they’re doing it out of humility, when in reality it’s the opposite. They’re standards for themselves are too high and they feel ashamed for not reaching it, their pride clouds their judgment. Being humble means having a realistic view of yourself, including both your weaknesses and your strengths. This means looking at and acknowledging your positive qualities as well. When it comes to boosting your confidence, breaking the cycle of negative self-talk and replacing it with positive affirmations is essential.

Perfectionism

Furthermore, perfectionism is another major factor that undermines confidence. Many of the issues that cause negative self-talk can cause one to want everything to be just right. Perfectionists often focus on their perceived flaws and failures rather than celebrating their achievements, as they don’t see the value in it if it’s not up to their unreasonably high standards. This includes the way they start a conversation, the way they present an idea, or how they plan out their career goals, if it’s not perfect, it’s not worthy.

While it is important to be prepared, the relentless pursuit of perfection sets unattainable standards, leading to chronic dissatisfaction. This constant scrutiny and self-criticism creates a cycle of low self-esteem, making them feel like they are not living up to their potential. While they are similar in nature, the solution is the opposite of negative self-talk, that being to acknowledge your limitations. We are only human, so we are bound to make mistakes and not everyone is good at everything nor is there anyone who never makes a mistake. Embracing imperfection and recognizing that mistakes are a natural part of learning is crucial for building confidence.

Past experiences and failures

One’s past experiences, especially failures, negative feedback, and especially trauma, can leave a lasting scar on a person’s confidence. Traumatic events can leave a person feeling powerless, like their abilities don’t matter. Unreasonably harsh criticism from authority figures, especially those you’re supposed to trust, can damage one’s confidence by making them feel like they aren’t good enough. Constant harassment and being made to feel lesser than others can create a deep-seated belief in one’s inadequacy.

These experiences often lead to a fear of failure, causing people to avoid taking risks or trying new things. It can also make them feel like they aren’t worth as much as others, as the rest of the world practically inundated them in that “fact.” But that’s simply not true. One’s past does not determine their value, nor should one let the past hold them back. While for many people it requires a lot for them to work through their issues due to their past, learning to view failures as opportunities for growth rather than definitive judgments of worth is vital for building confidence.

Fear of rejection

Finally, the biggest reason people aren’t confident is because they don’t want to be rejected. They don’t want to be turned down and made to feel stupid or inadequate. Thus they will believe they are inadequate and refuse to take a chance. But the best way to overcome this fear is to simply accept it. Rejection is a part of life, no matter what you do. Some ideas will be turned down and some people may just not like you, and that’s okay. Don’t let that fear control you.

As said by famous satirist and author, Sir Terry Pratchett: “The worst thing you can do is nothing.”

It is always better to act and do something to better yourself than to do nothing. Knowing this, and accepting that sometimes you will be rejected, can make you far more confident because now fear is not holding you back.