“Sing, goddess, of the anger of Achilles …” These are the opening words of Homer’s Iliad, one of the most famous stories in history.

Written almost 3,000 years ago, the fact that Homer leads off with a line about Achilles’ anger points to the fascination we all share with the emotion. Anger is a normal, healthy emotion and not everyone who struggles with anger issues will be as violent as Achilles.

However, struggling with anger can be a real burden that can hurt you and those around you, especially those you most care about. But that does not mean we should get rid of all anger; it is a vital part of being human and something we need to resolve conflict. Thus, we need to learn to control it. Read on to learn how:

Understand the Purpose of Anger

American author, Edward Abbey, once said: “The man who is angered by nothing cares about nothing.”

The reason we get angry about something is because we care about it. If we do not care about something, we do not react emotionally. The reason we get angry is because we are reacting negatively to perceived injustices towards things that we care about.

This can be perceived injustices towards oneself, their loved ones, their communities, and other things we may care about like material possessions and the media we enjoy. Thus, the reason anger is important is because we need to feel angry in order to face such injustices, whether it be motivating you to confront someone mistreating you or putting in the effort to help fight against societal/political injustices. Anger is fueled by what we care for and motivates us to take action.

However, the problem many have with anger is the application and the intensity. They often get angry over things not worth getting angry over or they are too angry over things that are worth getting angry over.

As said by Aristotle, one of the most influential ancient philosophers: “Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”

Deal With Your Anger in the Moment

If you find yourself getting angry at something, the very first thing you should consider is if it is something actually worth getting angry over. When you are angry, anything that sets you off can feel like a personal attack, when most of the time it is a simple disagreement, misunderstanding, or accident. Instead of reacting right away, take a step back and see what the situation is. Whether it is an accident or argument, there are some things that are not worth getting mad over. You do not need to die on every hill you climb. Heck, you could probably even lighten the mood by trying to make a joke about it, reducing any residual tension.

But there are some things that are worth confronting, whether it be something small but significant or something of great importance. In which case, how you react is even more important. If you feel yourself getting mad and you cannot seem to brush it off, the first thing you need to think of is what the consequences of blowing up are. How will getting angry damage your reputation, your relationship, or even just the environment you are in, being able to look at the situation objectively and react accordingly is critical. Always think before speaking.

If you are not able to think clearly or are overwhelmed, there are other things you can do. Usually the best thing that you can do is get yourself out of the situation that is getting you angry. Whether it is walking away from an argument and/or taking a break before confronting the issue, stepping away will give you time to calm yourself down and to think of different ways to handle the situation.

Usually, if someone is doing something that annoys you or you felt personally hurt by what someone said, talking to them about it will allow you both to come to a better understanding of each other. Though it is also important to keep the focus on explaining why “you” are upset, rather than just what they did. At this point, you can come up with solutions and find ways to resolve the issue, though you should also keep their perspective and needs in mind.

With all that said, there are times when a louder reaction is appropriate, like if someone is doing something unethical or even dangerous. But even then, keep your temper tempered. Only get as angry as needed, a quick yell to get them to stop followed by a stern but medium toned talking to may be enough. This is heavily context sensitive, but knowing when and where you need to let yourself get angry is a skill you can develop.

Steps to Managing Your Anger

First and foremost, if your temper is so bad that you struggle with dealing with it on a daily basis, seek anger management. At anger management, they will be able to help you deal with it more directly and will give you the tools you need to be able to manage your anger on a daily basis. Though it is important to also be able to find the right one for you, different people often need different methods to manage their anger.

But for some other long-term methods, perhaps you should practice the previous sections’ techniques. Learn how to hold back your anger during these events and consciously put them into practice in your everyday life. This will take time, but you will not be able to learn them unless you try and do not let yourself slack on it.

If you are feeling angry on a regular basis, some other things you can do is look for an outlet to express your negative emotions. This could be in creating art and playing a game, whether it be high-intensity sport or a high-action video game. You may also need something that calms you down, like a relaxing movie or book, maybe even some food or tea that calms you down (in moderation and nothing illicit/illegal).

There could also be some deeper issues that are making you angry, possibly a topic for another day, which is boiling over into other aspects of your life. If this is the case, then anger management will be able to help you with that or you could talk to a therapist or any other mental health professional to try and resolve these issues. In any case, discovering what is making you angry is the first step in managing and controlling it.