Doug Dvorak's Blog

How to Win Your Confidence Back

If there’s one thing you should stop doing right now, it’s beating yourself up about your failures (real or imagined). Letting these negative ideas cloud your judgement is more harmful than you may realize as you may be stopping yourself from realizing your full potential.


Every human being experiences failure at some point in their lives. It helps us learn and become better equipped for future challenges. Failure is never permanent because it is a state of mind that we can learn to overcome. Here are five ideas to help you overcome failure and come out the other end stronger than ever:


1. Don’t Compare Yourself to Others


This is by far the biggest reason why people have low self-esteem. Social media allows us to interact with others, discuss things that interest us, and, of course, brag about our accomplishments. When we see another person get a big promotion or go on a dream vacation, it causes us to reflect negatively on ourselves and wonder why we don’t have lives like that.


A couple of sayings to bear in mind as you peruse social media are: All that glitters is not gold and the grass is always greener on the other side. These old adages are especially applicable today given the fake realities we are exposed to daily.


The point here is to never compare yourself to others since you really don’t know what’s going on behind closed doors. Also, you run the risk of setting unreasonable goals that are unachievable.


2. Be Kind to Yourself


Having low self-esteem is common if you don’t allow yourself to relax and enjoy life now and again. You deserve to be happy, not just about your surroundings, but also about how you truly feel about yourself. You must identify and appreciate the things that make you happy, because when you are cheerful, there is no negative self-talk. If going to the beach or walking your dog every evening after work makes you joyful, make those activities a routine and give yourself permission to be kind to yourself.


3. Failure is Only Temporary

Feelings of failure are merely part of our consciousness; they don’t mean you are a failure. The fact that you’ve read this far means you want to see yourself succeed. You know deep down that you are better than your faults. therefore, it is critical that you recognize that you are only a failure if you linger on the things that have brought you down.

4. Your Effort Deserves Recognition


Let’s talk about weight loss for a second. Some of the benefits of losing weight are physiological, while others are psychological. We feel more energized, and our clothes fit better. Even if you aren’t at your ideal weight, your body sends you signs that you are helping it to function more efficiently. The compounding benefits of getting to a healthy weight are usually very tangible.


On the other hand, activities like job hunting can have a negative effect on your psyche because you may not know why you were rejected for a position you wanted but didn’t get. Remember, you had the courage to apply and perhaps the hiring manager was just having a bad day when they read your resume. Use every rejection, every criticism, and every disappointment as fuel to work more and go harder. Using failure (real or imagined) as a motivator is a tactic that has been used effectively by many hugely successful people.


5. Reflect on Past Successes


Even the smallest accomplishments should be given an appropriate level of recognition. If you’re going to sweat the small stuff on the negative side, it’s important to give yourself little pats on the back on the positive side, too. If your current goals seem out of reach because of challenges you’re facing, remember this in no way indicates that you are a failure. They’re just taking a little longer than you planned.


Remind yourself you are a successful person by keeping a journal or photo album documenting your accomplishments and leaving it somewhere where you’ll see it all the time. This will help keep your confidence levels high even when you’re experiencing moments of self-doubt.


Only when you give up hope for success can you be considered a failure. No amount of self-doubt can diminish the incredible person you truly are. A new day has dawned, so greet it with a smile and a cup of coffee from your most treasured mug. Then, go get ‘em!


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